Kristen 1 – Anxiety 0

wow. ok, not even sure where I’d like to begin. I guess I’ll start with saying I’m here now in Paris – somewhat settled – on my mini terrace, sipping a glass of Chardonnay, eating field strawberries and soaking my feet in a hot bowl of water and dead sea salts (great travel care kit gift idea Tara – much appreciated!) – needless to say I’m living it up Parisian style but it didn’t start out so smooth and in fact I arrived at 6:00am and didn’t get into my apartment till 5 hours later because of some ridiculousness – I’ll explain in more detail in a bit but regardless, I think all the hiccups I had this morning where due to the immense apprehension and dread I was having about this particular day. This is a day I have been dreading for almost a year now, even before I booked my trip to Paris. I have been terrified of my first solo day/night of any future vacation because of my total panic stricken meltdown on my first night of my month long solo journey through Thailand, Cambodia and Vietnam. 

That experience left me totally scarred and to this day I can still feel the panic of being in those situations there – the desperation of not being able to find a place to sleep -being all alone, feeling abandoned then later getting really really sick – covered in barf and losing my credit card and being out of money with no way of getting home (not fun). But living with this fear only made me want to conquer it – not consciously - consciously I never want to ever feel that awful ever again, I just want to forget those few nights of misery – but subconsciously I knew I would always fear that experience if I didn’t have another solo trip to show that one up.  It’s I think why I chose one year later to do something of that magnitude again – only longer – to really push myself and face my fears… and let me tell you – the universe didn’t make it smooth. I got tested again – tested to see if I really could big boy it up given stresses, upsets and uncertainty – and kiddies, I’m proud to say I did! 

I didn’t freak out, I didn’t need to pop an anxiety pill, I didn’t think to myself ’screw this, I want to go home’. I just accepted the circumstances as they were and tried to work with it – and when I did, things magically worked out. I got little helpers sent along way. So here’s what happened….

I had plans to pick up my keys to my Parisian apartment from the owner’s friend. We exchanged some emails and after discussing that I’d be arriving in the city at about 8am (after customs, baggage and a long cab ride)  and we arranged for me to take a cab in and stop at her place first to grab the keys then continue on in the taxi – so fine, no worries. She gave me her cell phone and we were all set. Now I had a feeling that some shit was going to go wrong but I thought it was just me projecting my Thailand fiasco into the future of this trip and so I ignored it and felt secure in my pre-planning – I was set with my cue card with the words “je dois faire deux arrêts” (I have to make two stops) and both numbers 1 and 2 addresses printed out neatly below – with her cell phone number beside addy number one.

Well, when me and my cabbie friend were almost there, I gave her a ring. No ringing occurred however – just a ding, ding, ding and a recorded French voice telling me (I can only assume) that the number could not be dialed. No worries, I tried to convince myself  - I’m sure it was just my top of the line blackberries fault, sure I could even make calls from Singapore - but perhaps a Paris number is too difficult pour mon telephone, and so in broken french/english I asked my cabbie to dial it for me from his phone. Again, no deal. So then I took out my laptop and said a prayer to sweet jesus that I had just written the number down incorrectly. sadly no. I was accurate.

So we arrived at her place and I asked Terrance to wait (his name wasn’t really Terrance but I think it’s a great French name) while I went into her building. Luckily, they had a front desk and I was able to get her room code and call her, however, unluckily, there was no answer. So I snuck in and found her door and rang the bell. No answer. Now at this point a few things are running through my mind a) is this a f’ing joke? b) was this a f’ing scam? c) did she f’ing forget about me  and lastly, d) what the f am I supposed to do now?

I decided the best thing to do was to just go back to Terrance and gather my things and wait in the lobby. I paid him, grabbed my stuff and set up camp. Now keep in mind this is now 4:00am Toronto time and I’m a little tuckered out and when I get tuckered out my mind doesn’t do so well. But I had a little pep talk and said ‘hey KG, no sweat – this sucks we might have to stay here all day asking every passerbyer what their name is and if they forgot about me, but we’ll get to our apartment eventually and then you can have a nappy nap. That pep talk was good for about 30 seconds, but the reality was I wanted my key and to have a shower asap and I was getting pissy. Not only at this chick for messing up our rendezvous but also at the universe for making things so difficult when they should have been easy. I had the sneaking feeling of dread that this was going to turn out like Thailand and that maybe I should never travel on my own EVER. But I quickly decided that was a dark and panicky road to go down and so I decided to go down to her suite again instead.

I abandoned my bags and this time I leaned on her buzzer – like you know when you’re mad and you just get obnoxious - well I was as obnoxious as you can get with a buzzer, to the point I thought I’d be pissing off her neighbours and so I stopped – but still no answer – so I went downstairs and struck up a conversation about dialing French cell phones with some young chap. He spoke English and was from Palestine. I told him how I was stuck there and he offered to put my bags in his room. I’d like to be the kind of girl that says I would never normally do this – but I’m not, I think people are mostly good and helpful and so I go with strangers all the time and this idea sounded great to me. He said that I could freshen up if I wanted to and at first I was like, no, no, I don’t want to be a bother then I was like, actually, do you mind if I have little nap on your bed, it’s like 6am for me Toronto time. He said no problem and was ever so sweet and actually started changing his sheets and got me a fresh towel! He also told me that I needed to buy a calling card in order to call French cell phones that land line don’t work – so after putting my stuff in his place I set off to buy a calling card and try to call her cell phone again.

On my way down to the store I passed by this chicks door once more to place a note in it and tell her that I was up at buddies place upstairs and to come get me, and then just for the hell of it, I gave the buzzer one more ring. Faintly I hear fumbling around and a tiny voice asking ‘who is it’. Trying to force back the disbelief I was like, “Um. It’s Kristen, I’ve been here for hours. Can I get that key from you?” She opened the door and rubbed her sleepy eyes and was like, oh my god, I’m so sorry. I was sleeping – why didn’t you call me? I was like, “Oh hey, that’s totally cool. Wow, you are really a heavy sleeper hey?! I buzzed your place like an insane woman – I heard it through the walls and thought your neighbours were going to call security on me – must be nice to sleep that soundly!!! hardy har har – hey by the way – can you take a look at the cell phone number you gave me – for some reason I couldn’t get it work… probably my fault … oh, also, just curious, how come you weren’t answering your landline when I called from the lobby like 6 trillion times too?”

Well, turns out she gave me the wrong cell phone number and she unplugged her land line and that she took a sleeping pill – I was aggravated at the time, I know, but, I know that she is a sweet girl and none of it was intentional – she felt really really badly about it all and not to mention – if it weren’t for her contact I would even have this apartment now or even e in Paris – so I’m not holding on to any grudge whatsoever and  in fact it was such a series of stupid things that it seems not even possible that all that could be random – her unplugging her phone, her sleeping through all that noise and then her having given me the wrong cell phone number?!?! It seems more to me like it was a lesson in me not freaking out – and even though I got annoyed – my anxiety meter stayed in the green! Sweet ass! Alleluia! Kristen 1 – Anxiety 0!!!

When I got back to the guys room to pick up my stuff he had made me lunch! Which was a delicious spread of fresh chunks of tomatoes, cucumbers, feta cheese, bread, strawberries and apple slices! What a darling – and what a gift to have had him then too! Not to mention he then lugged my bags for me down three flights and waited for me the 45 minutes while I caught a another cab (not an easy thing to do in Paris). I totally owe this dude a beer.

Anyway, I feel like my test ended and when I got to my apartment it was even better then I could have imagined and I’m a happy – stress free little camper! I had a shower and a nap then took in some lunch then found a dance studio and took a French dance class! How fun is that! Bought some groceries and ate a chocolate creap and now I’m heading to my fluffy French bed!

Here are some pics of my new place! It’s sooooo frances!!!